82. Excerpt from Earl Bishop’s Prison Journal
1-12-09 (continued):
And the factions, that’s a whole other topic right there.
Six months now I’ve watched them, the groups unofficially banded together for their own protection.
And I know how everybody on the outside sees them. I saw it like that when I came in here too, looking at them and automatically thinking prison gangs, like it’s a bad thing. I saw it and was like “Yup. American History X.“
Like I said, I’ve seen all this crap already. Can’t phase me. And it is like that, just like it. Even more like it than I realized though. Because after a few months in here we all have that same realization, like when Edward Norton realizes the politics of inter-gang relations, the bullshit that goes on between cell block crews.
Only, when you realize it yourself, on the inside, it’s not the same like realizing it along with Ed Norton. Out there, watching a movie, it’s a profound discovery. It makes you see things about yourself, about humanity, about life and art. Makes you want to be a fucking peace activist, seeing that goddamn movie.
In here, though, you’re alone. It’s eye-opening, yeah. But it’s not good to be that goddamn insightful in here.
The guards, the warden, the people who come to visit every other day to see their fathers and grandfathers and husbands and boyfriends and brothers, they don’t really know. It’s like they’re just watching us on TV, even when they’re here. They think they know when they’re here because they believe that, just for a second, they’re in “the shit” like the rest of us. Because they’ve got this bird’s eye view that makes them think they know what the fuck’s going on.
But they don’t.
They just want to believe they do so they don’t feel left out of the mix.
Because, in the end, that’s all anybody wants, is to fit in.
It’s the same shit like when you cry because somebody else’s parents died, or because the guy didn’t get the girl at the end of the movie, even when you’re watching the fucking movie with your boyfriend or girlfriend and your parents are sitting right at home, watching TV and eating Grape Nuts and being generally old.
You just want to be able to lie in bed after it’s all over and feel like life—your life in particular—has got some deeper meaning.
But it doesn’t. Nobody’s does. We’re all just floating through this world, waiting for shit to happen. Sooner you recognize that, the better off you’ll be when things turn to shit.
Who Is Anthony Stephens? 
What Do You Think About The Story Progression So Far? Any Suggestions?