40. Interview with David Lerner: Part 4

15 July 2011

– Alright. I’ll tell you and you can figure it out, but I don’t want no part in it after this. Ok?

– I’m serious bro. I don’t want any cops knocking on my door tomorrow asking me more questions.

– Uh…yeah. Whatever, it happened like this. I had just come home from being out with Patty earlier that night—about a week before Earl did whatever they say he did. It was a Tuesday, I think. Or a Wednesday. Doesn’t matter. I was in my living room drinking a beer, I remember, and watching Sportscenter, all pissed off because like, all this drama—[1]

– Sorry again, bro. Where was I?

– Oh yeah, so I’m sitting in my living room with a beer, trying to just relax and catch the highlights, when I hear all this noise from Earl’s next door.

– Well, it started out real quiet so I don’t even know how long it was going on. I thought it was the TV at first, you know how Sportscenter gets, all the flashes and crowds cheering and the theme song and all that. And I had it like blasting too because I wanted to act like I could do whatever I wanted because Patty had pissed me off so bad. So the TV’s blasting and I’m pissed off and all of a sudden I hear a lot more than just talking from over there.

– I mean, whoever it was at Earl’s, they were going at it. I mean, like, me and Patty yell, but not like that. And me, I was even more mad. Because like, I don’t know—to me it sounded kind of like really loud sex. It might have been fighting, I don’t know. But that night, I was all pissed off at Patty and then I hear two people yelling next door, that’s the first thing I think is they’re fucking. Earl’d probably gone out and gotten a couple of drinks in him, brought his chick home, and now they were banging each other’s brains out. And I’m in my apartment next door, tipsy and horny, watching Sportscenter when I should be banging my girl’s brains out too, but she’s all mad at me over some bullshit so I’ve got to sit in this apartment by myself.

– I remember that night perfectly even now, that’s how pissed off I was. Can’t believe I married the bitch.

– Fuck it all. I didn’t ask any questions, I just turned the TV volume as loud as it could go and soon all the yelling stopped, and that’s the last I heard of anything.

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[1] Mr. Lerner goes on to explain how disappointing this date night with the future Mrs. Lerner ended up being.

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