04. Excerpt from Earl Bishop’s Prison Journal

08-27-08:

 

We’ve got to attend these sessions in here.

 

That’s why I’m writing, because they’re making me. You’remaking me.

 

It’s a journal I’m supposed to spill my deepest feelings into, that’s what they told me, the doc and the warden. Then they turned around and told me I lost my right to privacy the day the judge slammed her gavel down in my face and moved on to the next case.

 

So I’ve been sitting in this cell for the past couple days trying to get this straight in my head.

 

Basically, the idea is that they—you—want me to write about all the shit I’d have a hard time talking about with anybody—even Wayne, who’s like my brother—so that you, somebody I do notknow and who definitely does nothave my best interests at heart, can read it and use it against me.

 

You really must think it’s a bunch of fucking retards in here, don’t you?

 

Like we’re here because we’re all a few cards short of a full deck, that’s what you think.

 

Like we had no choice but to get locked up, because it was the only thing we knew how to do. That’s why you got us going to these stupid support groups, because you think we’re all a bunch of degenerates, dumb enough to fall for the bullshit.

 

I’ll tell you something though—some people, people like me, they do things for a reason. And not stupid fucking reasons either. Sometimes, when there’s a plan, everybody in a position of authority blinds themselves to the details until it’s too late. You all are no different. Wouldn’t know a true criminal if they slapped you in the mouth.

 

No, instead of looking into how you run things, you’ve got support groups. Fucking prison support groups.

 

You know, it’s my feeling that movies represent life a lot. So I like to look at the situations I find myself in and relate them to movies I’ve seen, because a lot of times I can tell what’s going to happen next based on what goes on in the film. It’s eerie how accurate it is sometimes.

 

But I’ll tell you, the only time I’ve ever seen anything like this shit is in that one with Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston, the one where Owen is blackmailed for all his money after Aniston gets “raped.” Derailed it’s called. Never heard of support groups in prison until I seen this shit.

 

Then I get in here and find out they’re the real deal. And the dude in the movie who went to the groups, he didn’t fare very well in the end. And I’m guessing that’s where you got us headed in here too. But it won’t be like that for me because I’ve seen it, seen a lot more than you know. I can see what’s coming. I’m smarter than you, more experienced.

 

Be best if you remember that.

 

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